Language Barrier: "Values"

Another word I would like to reclaim: values. Everyone values some thing, some place, some one. But this word has been increasingly imbued with the implicit exclusivity of the Christian right, with the “with us or agin’ us” mentality of our pandering politicians and so-called religious leaders. One only has to mention values, or better yet, Family Values, to conjure images of fat white men with southern accents denouncing everyone for daring to have different opinions than those put forth by one church or another.

Let’s have a look at some similar words that seem to be lumped together with values, and their individual meanings. “Sensibilities” typically refers to someone’s receptiveness or responsiveness to something in their environment. My own sensibilities, for example, cause me great discomfort when someone talks loudly in a movie theater. Others do not share those sensibilities; they feel free to comment loudly or discuss urgent matters on their cell phone while others are trying to watch a movie. People often refer to their “values” when they should be speaking of their sensibilities. Many people who preach frequently about “values” would have their sensibilities in some way shocked or upset upon learning that their child’s best friend is being raised by a gay couple. Perhaps this is out of some religious dogma of theirs, or perhaps it is simply something new and they do not respond well to new things. In any case, the first word out of their mouths will be something to do with Family Values, most likely some circular reasoning espoused by their church or their favorite intolerant talk radio windbag. “Whatever happened to Family Values?” would be the first words out of their mouth, when what they should be asking themselves is: “Why are my sensibilities so shocked at this discovery, and is there legitimate reason for this?” But this sort of person doesn’t really want to ask questions. Homework is hard.

“Principles,” among other things, are simple truths or laws, or even just assumptions. It’s safe to say that all humans to some degree share the same essential principles; for example, it’s good to have enough food to eat, and to have a roof over your head when it rains, and to have clothing when the weather turns cold. We all have principles of good behavior, but this is where trivial differences are exaggerated by the intolerant and again, lumped in with their favorite word, “values.” Most irksome to me is the belief by many that it is in some way bad behavior to question others’ beliefs or authority. “How dare you not support us! Where are your values? Are you not a patriot?” If someone’s belief in God is so secure, why should they fear having to answer questions from curious children about it? If someone is acting within their authority, why should they fear an investigation? Someone who cries “Values!” in these cases is only trying to cover their true principles, those which prove to be hypocritical: selfishness over sacrifice, lies over truth, and so on. Few would admit to such principles, but it is a sad truth that many people will only adhere to whatever principle suits them at the moment, and even then will only be paying lip service to it.

“Modesty” is probably what is most on the minds of people espousing their values, and modesty is something that is easily confused with insecurity or envy. Am I being modest by not parading around the pool in a speedo, or do I simply want to avoid the embarrassment of letting people see my pasty, lumpy body in all its soon-to-be-sunburnt glory? Should I expect others to do the same? Or should I chill out and not worry so much about what other people think? Likewise, if I’m a struttin’ sex machine on the beach, should I really expect people not to ogle me, or not to be offended at the site of my junk covered only by a thread? Modesty also rears its ugly head in conversations. Some people would just as soon talk about sex as the weather, others would pass out at the very possibility that human beings would share a bed. “Values” is so often shouted in reaction to someone’s sense of modesty being offended, but people need to realize that modesty can be represented, like all human behaviors, by a spectrum, and that people should not try to go to extremes but to find someplace comfortable in the middle. Most people don’t believe that women should be covered head to toe, for example, but likewise many are upset to see children walking around dressed as sex objects. Careful thought and discussion could result in people understanding one another and taking at least a few steps to make things easier for everyone to get along. Pointing fingers and screaming “VALUES!!!” won’t help anyone.

Whether you find “values” alone being used to admonish someone, or whether it’s paired with “family,” be aware that the word or phrase is essentially meaningless by itself. What it is important is what is not being said, specifically, “My values, not yours.” There are as many different sets of values as there are people, and it’s foolish to oversimplify to such a degree. Next time you see these words used in such a way, consider their source, the bullies from the pulpit who seem to be broadcasting only for somnambulant churchgoers. Sleepwalkers allow this kind of non-discussion to continue. Will you be a sleepwalker, or will you stand up and ask, “Exactly which or whose values are you speaking of, and why?”